Are You An Ashawo He Asked… Yes, I Responded
For International Women’s Day I posted video of icon Izzy Ogbeide on my WhatsApp story, where she basically said “We be ashawo, the ones wey dey read book” while dancing. That video is a favorite of mine because I love how women have reclaimed the word “ashawo” (meaning prostitute) and because sex work is work!
So after I posted this video, this one guy asked; “Are you an ashawo?” and I was somewhat irritated because I have no idea how such a person was in my space, as I try to make my space as comfortable and feminist as possible but I ignored. Why would he ask me that? The answer was right there. Every woman in Nigeria has had a man call her a prostitute or imply it. Random men who didn’t even know you, men you’ve rejected, men who just felt intimidated by you, men you have slept with. All kinds of men.
Being called a slut, didn’t bother me. Never have. I’ve been called a slut my entire life just for not conforming, being sexual and for not looking or being the typical “good woman”. It has never quite bothered me because men intend for it to be an insult but what is shameful about having sex as a woman? Absolutely nothing. Every time I get called a slut by a man, I know I’m doing something right. To have such power to rile men up just by being me? Inject it. But calling random women “Ashawo” is misogynistic and I blame purity culture which is a tool of patriarchy which shames women for having sex, enjoying it and being openly sexual. Most men view sex as something to be taken from women, not an activity we participate in. So how dare you as a woman? Also people don’t regard sex workers as actual human beings or what they do as work. Partly because patriarchy has promised them that women owe them sex for free so why should sex workers make money off having sex with them. All of this is bullshit. A way of making women feel less or “humble”. Fuck that! You cannot shame me because of sex. Sex? I think not because I do have sex and I enjoy it and that is how it should be. So I went back and said “Yes” to the question because I’ve been a prostitute to men all my life and most of these men, I have NEVER had a sexual encounter with or knew personally. So it isn’t about sex, its the fact that I dared to live or be the way I am.
The fact that is doesn’t bother most women what they are called by men just for existing, doesn’t make it right. But the gag is, however you decide to place yourself, whether by living on your terms or by appealing to the male gaze, one thing is constant and that is; in the eyes of these men you will always be an “ashawo” All it takes to be one is to exist as a woman in this world so I’d rather go with the former.
It’s not our fault as women that we live in such a patriarchal society but we can choose to live on our terms now. Women in West Africa are reclaiming the word “ashawo” and I love it for us. If you are going get called a slut whether you are wearing a short dress, long one, trousers, hijab etc, for having sex or not, for literally anything, then I don’t think the problem is you. It’s the men. So why not wear whatever you want, have as much sex as you want or not. Live your life because a wise woman once said “All of us na ashewo” and that is on thick period blood.
