What is this obsession with marriage?
As a young girl, all I ever heard my older sisters and cousins talk about was Marriage. “When will I meet my own husband?” “When I get married this or that”. It was like a trophy for being a good woman. For being worthy enough to be chosen by a man. The ultimate price. But as I got older, I realized that marriage is only the ultimate price for women. Never for men. Actually, men are the price to be won. I always analysed my parents marriage, how my mother practically carried the entire family by herself in order to maintain status quo while all my dad had to do was be alive and be mediocre. I used to question if she was happy and she would say having us made her proud but was she truly satisfied with everything? I guess not. I never wanted any of that. Not even as a child.
From the way I saw it, women were (still is) the price to be won. I didn’t quite understand any of this until I learned the words Patriarchy and Misogyny. The lies this society stays telling women. How our self worth is measured in your ability to not only “catch” a man but also keep him. That’s why women would put up with trash just to be married.
Truth be told, I don’t blame women who get obsessed with the idea of getting married because I watched my married aunts get all the respect in extended family meetings while the one unmarried yet successful, beautiful and probably living-her-best cousin in the family was reminded of her failure as a woman because of her inability to “hook” one man. So, seeing as this plays out, I sometimes understand.
And don’t get me wrong. Two people deciding to play life is a beautiful thing. But wouldn’t it be nice if we aren’t obsessed with marriage? that we don’t place our value on our marital status as women and pursued our passion and other things? that we see marriage as something that could happen to us as we go on in life or not? Like it isn’t a pass into heaven’s gates because it isn’t.
